Bismillahirrahmanirrahim
So long didn't write here..
Alhamdulillah end of Ramadan for this year 2025.
Tomorrow we are going to celebrate Aidilfitri.
Just finished prepping foods for tomorrow, planning to give to my neighbour.
Feel grateful, yet feel empty.
I just don't know how to say and where to share my feelings.
As a wife as well as a mother and a master students (halfway through), is it ok for me to feel that I'm taking all the burden myself? Or its just that I'm a good manager of the house?
Burden here includes:
1) doing most of the house chores myself. If I want to be help, I need to inform or else no one will voluntarily help, as simple as washing their own dishes.
2) deciding meals at all times
3) paying for foods for each meals at all time
4) cooking and prepping meals alone. Even if I leave the dishes hoping that someone may voluntarily help to do the dishes, that was just a dream. No one will touch until the next day.
5) Settling >60% of house/ family monthly commitments
6) buying groceries every months
7) prepping my daughter's school necessities every day (begs, books, uniforms, pocket money, homeworks, study, etc)
8) studying for my master (I need to go to many departments and need to prep myself everytime I'm in new department.
9) completing my assignments, rite now I'm struggling with my thesis.
These are what I can recall. Maybe more than that.
I know sometimes I'm a bit fussy.
I know that I'm independent.
But I'm a human too.
My husband now is struggling to find a stable job. I know its not easy for him too to support the family. But since our marriage I'm the main breadwinner, as I know and I understand my husband capability and I'm able to help him lessen the burden.
But somehow, I feel he may take it for granted (I hope not).
Even his clothes and necessities also from me.
He had mentioned to me before that when he is struggling to find more money and cut down more on the expenses, I'm struggling to keep my money in the multiple bank accounts that I have.
Actually its not true. In fact, I'm also struggling to keep the money for the whole month. I'm barely able to save money for emergency and my own saving.
I hope I can keep to be sincere until the end.
I know one day, he will get a better and stable job. I always pray for that and I pray that he got His blessing and barakah.
Thank you for listening.